I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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