the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
