Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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