Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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