Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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