I want to make a zoo with you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
