Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
