Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
