as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
