I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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