Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
