You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
