Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
