this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
