I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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