remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and she was petting her beer can
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
