Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
