Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
