Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I supernannyed him into submission
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
