i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
