worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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