You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
