I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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