Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
