I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
whose parrot is this?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
