girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
