Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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