you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were trust falling into bushes
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
