No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
