God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
whose parrot is this?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
