I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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