Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
