My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
