he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
