your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
