hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
