Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
