do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
