i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
