and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
