Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
