yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
