He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
