Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My feet surprised me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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