you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
