So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
