just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
