I feel great
I just peed on a car
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
