When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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