Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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